I wanna start out by saying I haven’t written in a long time, because of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. I talked about having being dysphoric. Not liking the fact of how my breast make me feel very feminine. Well this weekend and for the last couple of weekends I have been gardening. This is really relaxing and therapeutic. While gardening this weekend I realized at the moment while gardening I was once comfortable in my skin. Gardening is one of m favorite things to do, along with exercising, painting, and cross-stitching.
All of these things make me feel comfortable in my skin. Have have done these things for the longest time. I don‘t associate these things with masculine or feminine things. I truly don’t understand why that is. I wish I had an the answers.
Gardening makes me feel good, because it takes my mind of all my frustration. The frustration of having to deal with being called she sometimes, have breast that make me feel feminine, and the fear that I might have a period. Gardening relaxes my mind and gives me a sense of accomplishment.
I like playing in the dirt and getting dirty. Just like a like sweating when I exercise. Or the mess I make when I am painting. These three things make me feel like me. Why would that be? This is something I need to figure out. Hopefully one day I will, so that I can feel comfortable in my skin all the time.
I am enjoying catching up on your blog and I am learning a lot, thank you for sharing. . I love gardening as well and so did your grandfather. Gardening is so therapeutic for everyone, glad that you enjoy it too. Since I moved to Highpointe ( a senior living, apartment complex) I have been in charge of the raised bed gardens here, it is so nice that those who have trouble bending to garden on the ground can still garden.
Good observations about yourself, Mer! My dad, and his father before him, loved flower gardening. I suspect it relaxed them, let them create beauty, connected them with the earth, whatever all -- the point is, they loved it and felt natural in doing it. I personally have no patience with flower gardening. But an hour in my vegetable garden is worth two hours of "prayer"! Glad you know --and do -- what lets you feel most like you!