By choosing what makes me feel more comfortable with my gender identity I got lots of questions. One of the questions I got from people when I would say “I don’t use pronouns, I use my name” was well what do you use in place of I, me, or you. I even had someone say well you just used “I” so you do use pronouns. This frustrated me, because it made me feel like they were trying to prove me wrong. However, I took it as an opportunity to explain, to that person, I don’t use gender pronouns like she/her/hers or girl or boy. This made me realize I was not only gonna have to educate people on how to use my name instead of she/her/hers, but how to use gender neutral language.
People have at least heard of other non-binary people using they/them/theirs in place of she/her/hers or he/him/his, but not many non-binary people use their name. I knew it was gonna be hard for people to get used to using my name instead of she/her/hers, but I didn’t realize I would have to explain that I do use I, me, you, we, ect.
There were people that were really sincere and wanted to know what pronouns were appropriate. In fact my pastor asked me do you still feel ok with wife. At that time I think I said, “I don’t know, because I don’t wanna take that away from Jennifer.” As time has gone by I have told people I wanna them to call me spouse or partner, but my wife calls me wife, because I know it is a term of interment. My pastor also asked about what I would use instead of sister. Right away I said sibling. I didn’t realize that she was asking me these questions for worship reasons. The next Sunday she started saying, “brothers, sisters and siblings in Christ.” This made me feel so good.
For those of you that might need some extra helps in understand of why gender neutral or gender inclusive language is so important take a look at the below link.
Your welcome for the link. I hope it was helpful. I also realize that not going with the standard they/them/their that it is gonna take longer for people to get used to how to do that. Thanks you for your continued learning and I’m glad to help.
It feels unfair and burdensome that you should have to be continually teaching and correcting us. But I'm so grateful for your patience, and your willingness to help us understand what you have learned about yourself and about the whole nonbinary arena of life and society. Thanks for including the link; it's a helpful way to begin to think more broadly and creatively.