LOST/FRUSTRATED

I haven’t written in 2 weeks, because I truly have been depressed and have been trying to grapple with some stuff. As we have started to go back to a little bit of normalcy from COVID we are doing things in person with people I haven’t been around in almost a year and a half. By not being around these people they have gotten out of practice with my pronoun. I have been struggling with the fact that I am being called she and people aren’t even realizing they are doing so. I have gotten so frustrated that I’m almost to the point of why bother. Which isn’t good.

I also have gone to a new place in my mobile game and this is a totally new experience. There is some uncertainty as to who I can trust and feel comfortable telling them I am non-binary. Some of the people that I have been playing with since I began are even leery about correcting these people, because they don‘t want them to be mean to me. This is comforting because I know that these people care about my feelings.

Another thing that happened is I had a menstrual cycle and I hadn’t had one in over 3 months. This caused me so much body dysphasia that I didn‘t wanna get out of bed. My wife was dog sitting during this and even called her to ask if we could measure me for a binder. Right now I wear compression shirts instead of a bra, but some of them are not tight enough.

All these things are so frustrating that I could write and couldn’t figure out what to say. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share or how to share. However today I just sat down and started typing. I hope this makes some kinda since and explains what some non-binary people go through when things get ruff for them. I do apologize for not writing for 2 weeks and I will do my best not to let these normal day things affect me in this way again. Thanks for your patience with me and I hope you don‘t give up on reading my blog, because of my absence.