(The names in this blog have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals involved)
Max is the child of the family friend my father wanted me to talk to. The last time I had seen Max, Max was very young. I didn’t know what to expect. I also hadn’t seen Julie since I moved to Charlotte, NC. Julie and I grew up together because our parents are best friends.
My father had told me he had a feeling Max was gay, but they hadn’t told him anything so he would not know for sure until Max told him. He also said he didn’t think that if Max was gay, Max hadn‘t told their grandparents.
We were meeting Max’s grandparents for supper that evening. My dad said he felt Max and Julie would be meeting us too. When we got to the restaurant Kelly, Max’s grandmother, informed me that Max and Julie would be late because Julie was working.
When they arrived we had just started eating. Jenn and I were sitting at the end of the table, so we were able to talk to Max and Julie. We did find out at that time Max was “gay”. They had told their grandmother, but not their grandfather. They also said not to tell my parents, because they felt that my parents would tell Mr. Marcone (Max’s grandfather).
After my parent’s and the Marcone’s left, Jenn and I stayed behind and talked to Max and Julie. This was when Max told us that they wanted to use male pronouns, but his mom wasn’t having it. Julie in fact said this was just a phase that Max going through. Max expressed he wanted to go into the military, so he could get the medical things needed to be able to transition to male. The reason for this is because it is so expensive to do that and this would be the only way he could get what he wanted.
Julie did say that if Max felt the same way at 18, then he could go ahead with transitioning. This kinda made me feel sad, because if Max lived in a different area things would be different. Julie could have the support that is needed to help process through this and Max would have more people like him that he could interact with.
This makes me so sad. I am grateful for an incredible support group of parents of nonbinary and trans kids in Minnesota, from young kids to adults, with parents who struggle/d but love their kids more than anything. I remember one single dad who gave his child hormone injections because insurance wasn't helping much and this was the only way they could manage it (doctor-approved and supervised, not black market hormones). What kind of love is that?!! I am sorry Julie didn't understand, and hope that perhaps she can learn and grow and support her child in their journey to authenticity.
Thank you for sharing the story, Meredith, and for seeking -- through your dad -- to be a supportive…