UNCERTAINTY

It‘s been a really long time since I have written. This is because a lot has been going on with me in regards to my gender identity. As regular readers of this blog already know, I have been struggling with body dysphoria during my menstrual cycle. Because of this I started debating if I would begin some type of hormone therapy to help me with this.

The reason it has taken me so long to write is I have a lot of friends and family that read my blog and I haven’t told many of them that I came to the decision to start testosterone. I have been worried that if I told some of them that they might not totally understand. I didn’t want them to think that I was transitioning from female to male, because this is not the case.

There were many things that came into my decision. I had to weight the options of what would happen if I started taking testosterone as compared to how I felt during 7 days of the month when my menstual cycle was. However, as things were it wasn’t actually just 7 days it was like close to 2 to 3 weeks out of the month. The reason for this was because stuff started happening to my body 1 to 2 weeks leading up to when my period was about start. My breast would start to hurt and swell. I would get cramps and headaches that would make me feel miserable. All these things would cause me to get depressed and not wanna do anything productive.

I have feeling some of you might be asking me, “Why should this matter you are premenopausal?“ But the funny thing is before I was premenopausal, I didn’t have these issues. My body didn’t do this stuff. I was only uncomfortable in my body for about a week. I couldn’t take being uncomfortable for almost the entire month. Also the uncertainty of when I would actually become post menopausal was weighing on me.

Therefore I decided to make an appointment with Planned Parenthood and go from there.