Last blog I talked about how I realized that I was going to have to educate others about different words that where gender inclusive. Also explain that even though I used Meredith in place of she/her/hers I did us I/me/you and ect. The one thing that I never thought I would have to deal with was rejection from someone in the transgender community. So I‘m gonna tell you what happened when I told someone that I though would understand and be supportive with me discovering that my gender identity.
So not everyone was cool with me using my name for a pronoun. In fact, one of the 1st people I told was a transgender person that went to my church. I felt he would be one of the most supportive people other than my Pastor and Nancy. However, that wasn’t the case. He actually felt I should pick a pronoun, because there were so many available for people that were non-binary. This really hurt. He even went to the point of posting something on Facebook about someone that wanted to use there name for a pronoun and talked about all the pronouns that were available. Then posed a question to his friends to his friends about what they thought. From there people started putting responses about how stupid and more complicated I was making things. All these statements made me mad, hurt and frustrated. After all things were said and done, he went as far as saying the post wasn’t about me. In my opinion who else could have this story been about since I had just told him amount my desire to use my name for pronoun.
Even though he felt this way there were so many others that felt different. I have another friend that is transgender and he stood up for me. The rest of my church family has also been very supportive and started doing there best to use my name for my pronoun. This gave me validation and mad me realize that I could be me.
Also the friend that didn’t agree in the beginning has come around. Sometimes it will take time for people to understand and get it. Through this process I have learned to be patient and find ways to let people know in a nice way that they have used the wrong pronoun when referring to me. I have also observed by doing this people are more receptive than they would be if I snapped at them every time they get it wrong.
Your patience with all of us who get it right sometimes and get it wrong sometimes is amazing. But do go ahead and correct us. It helps us learn.
I can kind of see how the posts on FB weren't about you but rather about anyone who would choose to go pronoun-less. But of course you were the first and probably only example your friend had encountered, so it wasn't about you except that it was about you. Glad the journey has brought that friend to a new understanding, and sorry for the pain it caused you.
Thanks. I hope this is reaching people that not only need to learn, but also those that need help along their journey.
Love you, Meredith. I remember how painful this was for you--keep pushing forward and educate people. I admire your strength.